Love is a four-letter word

We are such a blessed people. We take more for granted than many will ever experience. Healthy children. The promise of tomorrow. Love and acceptance. None of these are entitlements, and yet in our blind naiveté we await their arrival.

Through the year of writing my book, Unfinished Business, I came to realize how much I take for granted and how much power I attribute to myself to change things. There is truly so little over which we have control, but for many of us control is the one thing over which we attempt to maintain a tight hold. Such a fallacy, such hubris. We can’t make someone love or accept us, no matter how hard we try or how badly we want it. People are mere humans, and feelings won’t be dictated and can’t be manipulated. Feelings are raw, random and spontaneous.

Family will let you down, friends will disappoint, loved ones will leave, and sometimes people will die before we’re ready to let them go. The most we can do is pay attention to those we love and who love us in return, let go of those who choose not to accept us or find a place for us in their lives, and give ourselves permission to feel what we feel. Find family where you can, in people who exhibit the characteristics you value in family: support, encouragement, admiration…those who will be your cheerleader and champion as you move through the ups and downs of life…who will celebrate your victories and grieve your losses. That’s family, and I’m thankful I have a group of friends who are my sisters and brothers. I don’t know what I’d do without them. My life would surely lack the luster, laughter and fun they bring to it.

It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings

Here we are again with a new year stretching out in front of us. Resolutions being made, and many with the very best of intentions. Of course, the top resolution on many lists is losing weight. And the advertising and media vultures are only too happy to guilt you into keeping that one. I read a magazine last night, and there were seven straight pages of ads for weight loss programs, pills and gimmicks. The daily newspaper (small as it is these days) carries ads for every type of exercise equipment known to man. TV programs are interrupted every 5 minutes with another ad for Jenny or Nutrisystem or Weight Watchers. Isn’t anybody happy with the way they are? Sure, it would be nice to lose half your body weight, and can anybody really ever get enough pre-packaged yummy meals, and whose day is so full that they can’t squeeze in two hours of vigorous exercise at the gym? Really? It exhausts me just thinking about it. Sure, I’m fluffy and soft and curvaceous. And if I’m at the gym twice a week I consider myself successful. And I consider a day without chocolate to be like a day without breathing. There truly is no life after chocolate, am I right? The good news…no, the miracle…is that I’m finally at a place in my life where I refuse to be guilted into buying more pills or joining another weight loss program or spending time at the gym every day (for a week or so, only to give up because it’s not realistic). I’m okay with who I am, because I no longer think of myself as only my appearance. The person I am is so much more…and pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. I try to get a vegetable into my body every day (well, most days), and fruit is no longer just a topping for cheesecake, and I do go to the little gym up the street from my house to do yoga and play on the circuit machines and walk on the treadmill while reading my Nook. But I don’t look enviously at the hard bodies who have sweat pouring off their bodies while they run on the treadmill like they’re punishing it for some serious crime. It’s good to be self-righteous.